Taming the green-eyed monster – stopping jealousy in its tracks

The green-eyed monster, jealousy, is rearing its head. Someone has something we desire. We start to feel sour and sickly. Bitterness and anger takes over. How can we tame the monster to gain extra happiness? Try these tips to banish the beast.

1. Remember that there is no such thing as the perfect life and perfect person
2. Admire the qualities of people you like
3. Strive to be a better person
4. Count your blessings
5. Believe that there is enough success for everyone
6. Set small and large goals
7. Accept yourself the way you are

1. Remember that there is no such thing as the perfect life and perfect person

Have you ever noticed women’s magazines say stars “have it all” when they are beautiful, rich and famous, and parading gorgeous partners around on their arm? What nonsense! In a short time we can see that they are human like everyone else; they have messy divorces, suffer from illnesses, are victims of crime and so on.

Money, fame and looks don’t buffer us from life. We all encounter tough times at some stage. I call them the unavoidable Ds of life: death, disease, divorce, destruction, devastation, disasters, dilemmas, disabilities, disappointments, inner demons, down turns and down times. If we live long enough we’ll endure at least a few of these, and probably help others through theirs as well.

2. Admire the qualities of people you like

Who are your role models? People who’ve overcome adversity to become respected leaders in their field? Friends and family members who’ve touched your heart? Certain singers, business people or authors? Whoever they are, choose positive qualities of different people you admire and strive to be like them.

No one is perfect, so create your idea of the perfect person by putting together a fictitious person who’s a combination of the best qualities of the people you admire. We will each have different choices. My choices are characteristics of, for example, some of my friends and family, Barack Obama, Audrey Hepburn and Oprah Winfrey.

Ask and find the answers to questions about your role models. Possible questions could be:

• What can I learn from them to become just as successful?
• What made them triumph over adversity when others with smaller problems have crumbled?
• How can I follow in their footsteps and be kinder, happier, more generous…?

3. Strive to be a better person

Instead of getting jealous over what someone else has, put time and energy into improving yourself and your own life. Be better at a hobby, sport or your work. Strengthen worthwhile friendships and relationships. Improve your mind, health and fitness. You’ll feel more productive, happier and less bitter. You’ll be on-track to achieving your goals instead of losing focus by harboring negative emotions that cloud your path.

4. Count your blessings

What things are you good at? What is going well in your life? Do you have one good friend, pet or family member?

It’s a common trap to focus on what’s not going well in our lives, overlook what is going well, and become jealous of others who have something we don’t seem to have.

Each day I think of about 10 things I’m thankful for, such as good friends, family and pets. This cheers me up a bit when I’m feeling down and makes me realize that not everything is going wrong in my life. Avoid getting to the stage where we only appreciate what we have once we lose it.

5. Believe that there is enough success for everyone

Do you believe there is enough success for everyone or some people will go without? Whichever perspective you believe is likely to come true for you. Your thoughts, beliefs, actions etc create your life, so plant positive beliefs in your subconscious mind.

Some people deliberately want to sabotage the success of others. They enjoy knocking down people who they think are, or will be, more successful than them.

What is going through these people’s minds? How happy are they? To sabotage others means they are, in a way, sabotaging themselves. The bitterness they feel about the other will eat away at them and hinder them from achieving their own goals.

“Peace of mind makes the body healthy, but jealousy is like a cancer.” – Bible

As we sow so shall we reap. Karma. What goes around comes around. Whatever we call it, the energy we each emit comes back to us.

Sow seeds of kindness, consideration and peace and watch our lives blossom. Sow seeds of jealousy, sabotage and envy and observe the sourness that blooms.

6. Set small and large goals

Lesson feelings of jealously by setting and achieving goals. If a goal seems too big or too far away in the distance, break it down into smaller goals. This will help keep us motivated and feel good about regularly achieving something.

A technique to help with goal setting is to set SMART goals. SMART can stand for different things. One of my favorites is:

• Specific
• Measurable
• Achievable
• Relevant
• Time-based (set a date that we want to achieve each goal by)

7. Accept yourself the way you are

We are less likely to be jealous of other people’s looks, bodies and so on if we like ourselves the way we are. Although easier said than done, work on self acceptance to gain extra happiness. Here are some ideas to help us like ourselves.

Appreciate your good qualities. Are you a loyal friend to someone? Perhaps you’re a good listener. Whatever it is, value the good qualities that you have.

One of my relatives has been a school teacher for over 40 years. She told me that every child she has taught had something they were good at. I believe this is true for everyone.

Forgive yourself for past mistakes. Learn from mistakes, let go of the past and move on.

Accept that no one is perfect. Photos of stars in magazines are often airbrushed, Photoshopped etc so that they look perfect. Just look at the stars without make-up pages in magazines and you’ll soon see they are human too.

Remember that one man’s meat is another man’s poison. Many things are not really “good” or “bad”; it’s simply a matter of perception. Years ago I had a friend who wasn’t keen on my bubbly, outgoing personality; my husband thinks it’s cute.

Summary

Make the most of our own lives instead of being jealous of other people’s. Count our blessings. Below the surface of someone’s beautiful face, fame and fortune are tough times just like everyone else.

Strive to make our lives happier and more successful, and accept ourselves the way we are along the way. Set achievable small and large goals to give us a feeling of accomplishment.

written by Nyomi Graef