How can we turn tough times into stepping stones?

Why are some people’s spirits crushed after tough times, yet other people come out stronger? It’s the nature of their thoughts. It’s their underlying beliefs and philosophies. It’s their coping strategies.

I received an email a while ago about the story of a young boy who saw a cocoon with a butterfly inside. The animal’s wings were partially out of the cocoon, flapping. The boy was upset at what he saw, as it looked like the butterfly was in pain and struggling. Thinking he’d like to help the butterfly, he opened the cocoon to free it. The butterfly died; it was not ready to escape because it was weak and underdeveloped. The struggle the boy perceived the butterfly to be in was really a necessary way for the butterfly to develop the strength needed to live.

We are all, in ways, butterflies. Our tough times give us the strength to live. If we never had a struggle we wouldn’t be able to deal with life’s dilemmas. If we live long enough we will all encounter tough times.

Will we be butterflies that die or thrive? Even if we don’t literally die, part of us might die inside. Don’t let adversity crush our spirits.

Here are tips to help us through tough times.

1. Change our thoughts about it
2. Believe positive and realistic philosophies
3. Accept that we will become better people from it
4. Do our best to find something positive in the experience while it’s happening
5. Believe that something good will come out of it
6. Imagine a positive outcome

1. Change our thoughts about it

You have probably heard the saying “We are what we eat.” This is true, but there’s a lot more to it. We are our genes, plus what we eat, think, believe, feel, do, say and so on. Ultimately, when we change our thoughts, our lives change. Why? Our thoughts make up our beliefs, affect how we feel, what we eat and so on.

Are you thinking positive affirmations? Affirmations are positive sayings to do with health, wealth, happiness etc. Repeat them everyday throughout the day. Notice the changes in your life when affirmations sink into your subconscious mind and become beliefs. It might take weeks or months, but the effort is worth it.

Here are a couple of affirmations. Adapt them as you see fit and think of your own.

• Whatever tough times I face, I am able to find, both within and outside myself, the resources I need to cope appropriately with the situation.
• I am valuable. I have qualities that make the world a better place. I am more than my looks, body weight and job. I am a son, cousin, athlete…

Check-out best-selling author Louise L. Hay’s affirmations in her book You Can Heal Your Life. Louise’s personal triumph over adversity to become a happy and successful businesswoman is inspiring.

2. Believe positive and realistic philosophies

My late grandmother had a philosophy to keep her going through tough times; it was “Everything in life passes.” The ultimate ending is, of course, death. We, obviously, aren’t all going to die after each tough time, or we’d never get past childhood. Knowing that they are temporary gives us hope to carry on in the face of hardship.

One of my favourite philosophies is “When one door closes another door opens.” This belief is part of my subconscious, and it comes true for me. After a difficult experience, in time I look back and see how the universe’s plan unfolds. I can find reasons for my tough times. I find that afterwards an opportunity is just around the corner.

3. Accept that we will become better people from it

Will tough times make or break us? Decide that they will make us – make us kinder, wiser, more compassionate…

4. Do our best to find something positive in the experience while it’s happening

Now, I admit, this can be very hard. In situations such as hurricanes wiping out entire cities or a serial killer killing someone’s child, you might tell me I’m crazy. I understand.

My mother once showed me her ying yang pendant. She said, “In darkness there is light and in light there is darkness.” We can, in this case, interpret “light” to mean positive and “dark” negative.

Believe that the situation is strengthening our spirits. Believe we are learning lessons that we can pass onto others to help them survive tough times – perhaps even save their lives.

When a friend of mine was having chemotherapy for breast cancer, she was telling other women the importance of having regular breast checks. Later she found out that some of the women she told discovered that they too had breast cancer, after having the breast check my friend recommended. The women might not have had the checks had my friend not encouraged them to, so the women might not be alive today.

5. Believe that something good will come out of it

Do you believe life can be better after tough times or there is no point to life, so why bother? If you believe life can be better afterwards, you will be more likely to put time and effort into overcoming the problem. You will have hope and optimism. You will gain strength and courage.

6. Imagine a positive outcome

There is much value in often imagining a positive end result. Many elite sportspeople, A-list movie stars and others swear by it. Add emotion to your visualizations, like feeling happy about the result. Imagine your positive outcome regularly throughout the day, everyday.

Summary

We need tough times to strengthen us so we can survive. Think positive thoughts about the experiences. Decide something good can come out of them and regularly imagine positive outcomes. Find something positive in the experiences and become better people through learning the life lessons contained within.

Through the struggle comes the butterfly.

written by Nyomi Graef