Letting go of past pain and moving on in tough times

Recently I read a post in a health forum on the Internet. It was written by a friend of a young man who became a paraplegic from a car accident. After the accident the man decided he would enjoy life despite his paralysis. He started playing wheelchair hockey and pursued other fulfilling pastimes. The person wrote in the forum that his friend was a happy man who lived life to the full.

I know of another young man, who was excellent runner. His running career suddenly ended when he became a paraplegic after a car accident. He found it hard to adjust to his new life, which led to his suicide at an early age.

Two people dealt two similar situations but responded very differently. One dies and the other thrives.

Ways to cope with tough times

In my previous post How can we turn tough times into stepping stones? I wrote that it’s the nature of our philosophies, thoughts and beliefs that determines whether tough times make or break us.

Focusing on painful memories and situations can scar us. There are different ways of dealing with this pain. Telling everyone about it and forever wondering why it happened to us is one way. We might become bitter and let it destroy our happiness.

Alternatively we could, in time, accept what happened and strive to be at peace with it emotionally. Although the memories might never fully fade away, we can aim to live life the best we can, regardless.

What positive things might arise from tough times?

We can focus on the positive aspects that might arise from the situation, which would not have happened had we not received it. The positive aspects might be making new friends, starting new sports or jobs, having a new-found compassion for others or helping make a positive mark on the world that is far greater than if the situation never occurred.

I’ve noticed that some of the most compassionate and kindest people can be those who are able to empathize with other people’s suffering because they, or someone close to them, have suffered, then come out stronger and kinder. They can deeply connect with others going through tough times and help them overcome their troubles. This is one way people who’ve overcome alcoholism, health problems and so on can become support group leaders, self-help gurus and writers in an area they understand.

Have you discussed a health problem or injury with someone who hasn’t suffered from it and thought their responses seemed so out-of-touch it was obvious they had no idea what it’s like to be in that situation? I have on occasions. I was amazed at how little empathy they had, but I now understand why.

While working on a health promotion project I attended two courses in quitting smoking to learn more about weight gain after quitting. Despite completing the courses I was told that I was unable to become a leader of a quit smoking group. The course trainers told me that because I’ve never smoked, I was unable to fully empathize with people who were, for example, having withdrawal symptoms from quitting smoking. I was told only people who were ex-smokers themselves could lead such groups.

Of course we can have compassion and empathy for others despite not having been in a similar situation ourselves. General practitioners and other health professionals, for example, can have empathy for their patients without having to have suffered from every health problem someone comes to them for.

… Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved.”

– Helen Keller

… The basic thing is that everyone wants happiness, no one wants suffering. And happiness mainly comes from our own attitude, rather than from external factors. If your own mental attitude is correct, even if you remain in a hostile atmosphere, you feel happy.”

– the Dalai Lama

Affirmations to help us let go and move on in tough times

Here are some positive affirmations to help us move on in life and be happier.

I am ready to move on. I am willing to accept the situation and make peace with it in my heart. I am willing to learn the life lessons contained within and become a better person because of what has happened.

I am willing to let go of the emotional pain from this situation and heal. I can heal. I can find the answers to help me heal. I heal at the right pace for me.

I think and behave in more positive ways. I strive to be happier. I choose to let go of bitterness and anger from the situation and make peace with it. This gives me more emotional freedom, energy and happiness.

written by Nyomi Graef

photo of a bird flying by prozac1 and available from FreeDigitalPhotos.net