4 more truths and myths about happiness

Last blog post I discussed my thoughts on four truths and myths about happiness. Here are my opinions on four more.

1. Other people are happier than me.
2. People and things make us happy.
3. Adults need to have children to feel happy and fulfilled.
4. We can’t be happy if we are single. We need partners to be happy and to complete us.

1. Other people are happier than me.

My view: People, obviously, vary in happiness from very unhappy to very happy. When it comes to how happy other people are compared to you, each other individual is likely to fall into one of these three categories: more happy, less happy, or about the same level of happiness as you.

People’s level of happiness varies throughout their lives, depending on many things. These things include situations and problems that affect them (deaths, disappointments, illnesses…).

Problems are part of everyone’s life. Scratch the surface of people we think have “the perfect life” or are happier than us, and we’ll find problems they have to deal with at some point, whether it’s health, financial or relationship issues, and so on. How people deal with their problems, and their thoughts, attitudes, beliefs and personal philosophies, greatly affect how happy they are.

Instead of wondering whether our friends, family… are happier than us, work on boosting our own happiness, if we want to. Comparing ourselves too much to others is a pointless waste of time that reduces happiness. We are all unique, and we are all on different life paths.

2. People and things make us happy.

My view: We can get a lot of happiness from being with people we enjoy spending time with. We can also feel happy from things, such as the things we’re given, and we buy or create ourselves. But we can also have many other feelings toward people and things – feelings such as sadness, stress and fear. How we feel depends on many factors, including each of us as individuals, who the people are, what the things are, and the circumstances.

Our reactions to other people and things determine whether we feel happy, sad, and so on.

3. Adults need to have children to feel happy and fulfilled.

My view: Myth

Adults don’t have to have children to feel happy and fulfilled. People can feel happy and fulfilled in many other ways besides having children – by pursuing rewarding careers and pastimes, doing hobbies they enjoy, doing well at sport, joining volunteer programs, and so on.

Nuns, monks, priests and other adults without children can feel happy and fulfilled even though they don’t have children – think Oprah Winfrey, Mother Teresa, the Dalai Lama and the pope, for example.

Want to fulfil your maternal or paternal instincts and don’t have children of your own? Volunteer to work with children, or work as a teacher. Become a youth club leader, or mentor to young people. Babysit your friends’ and relatives’ children.

4. We can’t be happy if we are single. We need partners to be happy and to complete us.

My view: Myth

Babies, toddlers and young children are single. Are they incomplete because they don’t have partners? Obviously not.

Many adolescents and adults are also single. Are they incomplete without partners? No! Can they be happy even though they are single? Of course!

To think we are incomplete without partners – and we can never be truly happy without partners – is nonsense.

We can be happy both with and without partners. Having happy romantic relationships is just one way to add happiness to our lives. There are many other ways to boost happiness – having fulfilling careers, happy friendships, enjoyable pastimes, hobbies and physical activities, pursuing our passions, and so on.

Avoid thinking: “I need a partner to make me happy.” Think about how you can add happiness to someone else’s life, rather than how a partner can make you happy.

Find happiness within ourselves, and spread the joy to others.

written by Nyomi Graef