Safe and easy ways to release anger and rage to help us feel happier

Someone has really hurt us. Our adrenaline starts pumping. Our hearts beat quickly, and we want to explode with rage. How can we release our anger while causing little or no harm to ourselves and others?

There are, of course, many ways to let out anger – some more harmful than others. Harmful ways include beating people, throwing things, destroying things, driving dangerously and committing self-harm.

Below are some relatively safe ways to release anger and rage. If you have any helpful ideas, write them in the comments section below. If they are harmless and reasonable, they will be added to the list.

1. Work in the garden. Whether it’s weeding, pruning, digging or mowing the lawn… do it as vigorously as we can.
2. Sweat it out. Run, walk, dance, do aerobics, martial arts… until we are exhausted – and do it regularly. Exercise is an excellent way to reduce anger and stress, and it releases natural chemicals in our body that make us happy.
3. Clean the house, shed, garage… for hours.
4. Write down our angry thoughts. Don’t worry about spelling or punctuation, just let the ideas flow. (I met a lady who said she filled over five exercise books with angry thoughts about her ex husband after he was nasty to her and cheated on her during their marriage.) After we write down our thoughts, bin, burn or keep them, depending on how we feel. Carefully think through whether we should send what we’ve written to the person who upset us; it is most likely a bad idea.
5. Have an imaginary conversation on the phone to the person we are angry at. Don’t dial their phone number, just say whatever it is that we would like to tell them in real life. Obviously they won’t really hear it, so we don’t need to be shy or censor what we say.
6. Discuss what is making us angry with a trusted friend, family member or counselor. Phone up a free phone counselling service or visit a counselor in person, if we feel the need.
7. Miriam says: I recently got very angry with my partner’s ex and wanted to tell her how I felt, but could not for sensitive reasons, so I wrote a letter to her saying exactly what I felt, but then sent it to a trusted friend instead with a prep attachment explaining. Somehow it made me feel so much better.
8. Anonymous sent in: I have heard that yelling alone in your room helps as well, but I have never done it.
9. Parisa wrote: I know this is similar to cleaning, but I find hand-washing your clothes really helpful. All that squeezing and scrubbing and wrenching, it’s like using a stress ball (those are good too) but you’re also focussing on a task.
10. Lilly’s idea: clenching your fist tight and punching the air two or three times really helps.

Get professional help if the anger is chronic, too high and/or badly affecting your health, work, family, friends and so on. A good counselor, anger management book or anger management course can make a big difference.